The second post of this year is not a happy event unlike the birth of my second daughter, as only two weeks after Hannah's arrival I lost my mum when she was only 51 years old. When you talk to people they ask you things like 'was she ill?' The answer to that is yes although we didnt know it. My poor mum had cancer, in her womb and lungs, although she didnt know it. So we never had the 'last months' syndrome, the chemo and the suffering. No, she lived life to the full to the last few days of it when she developed a lung infection and died. And i am glad, i wouldnt have been able to have enjoyed the 'last months' knowing what would happen and i am sure mum wouldn't have enjoyed that either.
There are lots of things i could say about mum, she always had a lot to say for herself too! She could be grumpy, if she didnt want to talk to you, you knew about it and if she wasnt happy about something she would let you know in no uncertain terms. But that was only a fraction of her really. The rest of the time she was happy, smiling and a very outgoing noisy woman who loved to laugh and tried to poke fun although she wasnt really very good at it.
At the time of her death she was very happy and had a lot of joy in her life especially with her grand children. She had five grand daughters who she loved. She especially loved my eldest daugher as she spent so much time with her, so much so she would ask me nearly every weekend if she could have her over to sleep. Even when Milly reached two she was nursing her like a baby and called her 'her baby!' I would go and pick Milly up from my mums house and she didnt want to come home, wanted to stay with mum! Mum would get excited telling me all the things she had bought Milly, whether it was clothes, toys or something simple like Thomas the Tank engine spaghetti for her to have for tea!! She unfortunatly only got to see my second daughter a handful of times but i could see she was going to be the same with her.
Since her passing i have thought lots about my childhood, about the holidays to the seaside, about her walking us to school, making our tea, washing my school uniform. Remembering her telling us off for leaving the backboor open in the winter when it was cold outside and we were playing outside in the snow. 'You're either staying in or going out' she would say shutting the door behind us. There were four us of at home as children, what a hard job that must have been, looking after four children. I have two, that's hard enough! I hope i am nearly half as good at it as she was!
In a few weeks time i am due to get married and i am very sad that she wont be with us. I can't decide if it will be a hard day or not for me. I am looking forward to the wedding but i am gutted mum wont be there. But i know exactly what she would be saying if she was there. I can see her now looking at Tony's face, laughing and saying 'oh my god Sarah, he has had a shave!'
