Sarah-Jane

Little New Addition

2011-03-16T12:08:00.001-07:00

Chloe Hours Old a photo by SJPREECE on Flickr.

I clicked on the link of this blog and realized i haven't been on this blog for such a long time nor have i updated it so i thought i better update it with the most significant change since my last blog, my new baby.

This is little Chloe and my goodness conpairing her with my two other babies she was little. A week early (never thought i would have a baby early) she weighed in at a small 6lb 15oz. She is beautiful. So chilled and laid back and happy. I geared up for a difficult baby, as Hannah was shocking, my last child. But she has never been a spot of bother and an absolute joy to have. Maybe because the circumstances around her birth are significantly different this time round I don't know but I have absolutely loved having her and loved my maternity leave so much so that now i am face with having to go back to work i really just don't want to go. But needs must and its only a few hours in the week so hopefully i wont feel like its taking me away for too long from my adorable new addition :O)

Race For Life

2009-07-16T13:24:00.001-07:00

Race For Life
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

Never thought I would do a fun run. Never thought I could run three miles. Never thought it would make me feel so proud as I did that day. That was June 28th 2009, in a previous life that was a different sort of celebration to me but from now on it will always be one of the proudest days of my life. When mum died I always said I wanted to run this. I couldn't make a difference to her and her illness when she was alive but thought maybe it would help me go forward, give me something to focus on and help others if I ran this and raised some money for a really good cause in the meantime.
The day of the race was red hot, beautiful day, but I woke up feeling really stressed and upset, wishing I hadn't said I would do this. Mum was in my thoughts, which isn't unusual but she was more so today, she was in the hospital bed again, looking at me telling me not to be upset. It just ran through my mind how much I missed her and it ached on my heart. I went off doing some cleaning and some gardening, trying to keep myself occupied that morning to stop me from exploding as I don't cope well when I am really upset about mum. As the time came closer to setting off for the race I was really wishing I hadn't committed myself to this, not because I didnt think I would complete it, I just didn't know how I was going to get through the race without being in floods of tears all the time.
We got to the race and my mums sister (pictured on the left) greeted us and it was almost like she knew exactly what I was thinking when she saw me and the floods of tears came, but it was strange as it was more sort of a relief cry than a grief or stress cry. I felt better instantly and for the first time that day I was glad we were there and were doing the run.
As the time approached to run I started to feel nervous about the run ahead for the first time ever, thinking 'god i hope i can do this' this was the first time i doubted my ability to do it since signing up for it. But then I saw all the other runners and it was such an inspiration to see how many others had lost family members and how the day was affecting them too, I wasn't alone, that just felt like such a relief.
The run itself was such fun, running round chatting to my mums sister and my cousin about anything and everything, mostly about how far we had left to go, then the end, the finish line seemed to be in sight all at once. The feeling you have when you finish is fantastic. Relief as your tired, relief you have completed it and what an achievement it is too, getting my medal I have to say was one of the proudest moments ever. After a few minutes and an ice cream later I saw a wall where everyone was posting tributes to their loved ones they had raced for so I pegged on my tribute ' for my mum who I miss everyday' and thought about mum, said a few words to her and skipped back off to say bye bye to Gillian and Kimberley and we made our way back to the car. Spent the rest of the day smiling and the following week showing my friends and sponsors the picture blogged here. Might do it again next year!

2009-05-08T13:14:00.001-07:00

Christmas 2008

2009-01-03T07:48:00.001-08:00

Christmas 2008
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

The run up to Christmas was a difficult one. I used to think if i didnt do the shopping, didnt write the cards and didnt put up the tree it wouldnt happen, like it would be all forgotten about and i wouldnt have to think about it. But on the other hand it was my first Christmas with my youngest daughter too, first Christmas Milly would understand properly and first Christmas as Tonys wife. The good outweighed the fact that mum was missing, well most of the time so begining of December i set about the usual Christmas routiene.

There were times when i would walk around shopping thinking about how this time last year i walked in the exact same shopping centre with my mum and everything seemed perfect, new baby on the way and a wedding to look forward to, completely oblivious as to what was about to happen. I would get myself upset about it, but we cant go back only forward and i had to keep telling myself that.

So when i got invited out onto Christmas dos i jumped at the chance and booked this Christmas meal for me and Tony. Of course it was a Dirty Dancing themed one, which was a must for me. It was in a nice hotel in Leeds, some companies were there using the night as their work dos too. The food wasnt brilliant, but i dont think i really expected it to be, given the food at the Royal Amouries Christmas do i had been on a couple of weeks earlier wasnt that good either. But the Dirty Dancing theme singers were great, they even looked a little like Jonny and Baby (okay i was drunk!).

Anyways all in all i think what i am trying to say is that inspite of Mum being missing this Christmas i had a really good one. I look back at my photos from the Amouries and this night with Tony, from Christmas day with the girls and their presents to New years eve and will probably remember it as being one of the best. I did think about mum every day, as i always do but i think at last i am starting to find ways of enjoying my life and getting on with things without her being here. I think i am finally managing to live with it more and am able to think about her without getting myself all upset all the time. But she is always with me in my mind and heart and always will be and i will always always miss her.

Mum and Milly

2008-09-02T06:12:00.001-07:00

Mum and Milly
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

More than six months on from loosing mum and she is still a missing part of my life which i am finding very hard to bare. Everyday i wake up and think about her and on the bad days think about what she went through in the final days. I live with it day to day and see the effect it has had on my family and how it has left things, particually for my dad.

I see this picture of mum and Milly one of the last ones to be taken and think about milly growing up without her grandma, wondering if she will ever really remember what her grandma was like. Mum only met Hannah a handfull of times so Hannah will never have known or be able to get to know my mum.

I am hoping i will read this page in another six months time and things will be easier, but until then i have to get through Millys third birthday and Hannahs first Christmas.
I have also come to the conclusion life is very cruel and isnt something we should take for granted.

Bride and Groom

2008-04-16T10:29:00.001-07:00

Bride and Groom
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

'How wonderful life is now your in the world.' Those were the words of our opening song for the wedding ceremony as sung by Elton John. Thats how i felt about Tony the day we married and how i feel every morning i wake next to him.
The wedding day had lots of mixed emotions for me. Nervous and worried was the morning leading up to the ceremony, nervous and relieved after the ceremony, happy and giddy when sitting down for the wedding breakfast. The afternoon i was just relaxed and the evening i was worse for wear and tired, although that didnt stop me having a wonderful wedding night! But throughout the day i thought about my mum who was unable to be with us having died eight weeks ago to the day we married. I was thinking how she would have been giddy, laughing loudly, making jokes about 'Lanks' and running around after Milly. She would have been stashing wedding cake into cake boxes to take home, looking for a 'doggy' bag to take home left over buffett and telling me not to throw the bouquet as she would want it! It was almost like having her there knowing how she would have been, although her lack of presence was felt by myself and my family.
But apart from that the day was perfect, couldnt have asked for things to be any better. The sun was shinning and everyone had a smile on their face, well until the evening when the odd couple had a boozy words with their partners!
The wedding wasnt just a wedding to me or a party for the day. It wasnt just about making a life long commitment to Tony or showing him my love although that's all i really wanted for us on that day. It was also a start of a new chapter for me, Tony and the girls. Its quite exciting to think of it as a new life and a new chapter. I do wonder what the future will bring for us...... a new baby perhaps? :O)

Me And Mum

2008-03-06T07:11:00.001-08:00

Me And Mum
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

The second post of this year is not a happy event unlike the birth of my second daughter, as only two weeks after Hannah's arrival I lost my mum when she was only 51 years old. When you talk to people they ask you things like 'was she ill?' The answer to that is yes although we didnt know it. My poor mum had cancer, in her womb and lungs, although she didnt know it. So we never had the 'last months' syndrome, the chemo and the suffering. No, she lived life to the full to the last few days of it when she developed a lung infection and died. And i am glad, i wouldnt have been able to have enjoyed the 'last months' knowing what would happen and i am sure mum wouldn't have enjoyed that either.

There are lots of things i could say about mum, she always had a lot to say for herself too! She could be grumpy, if she didnt want to talk to you, you knew about it and if she wasnt happy about something she would let you know in no uncertain terms. But that was only a fraction of her really. The rest of the time she was happy, smiling and a very outgoing noisy woman who loved to laugh and tried to poke fun although she wasnt really very good at it.

At the time of her death she was very happy and had a lot of joy in her life especially with her grand children. She had five grand daughters who she loved. She especially loved my eldest daugher as she spent so much time with her, so much so she would ask me nearly every weekend if she could have her over to sleep. Even when Milly reached two she was nursing her like a baby and called her 'her baby!' I would go and pick Milly up from my mums house and she didnt want to come home, wanted to stay with mum! Mum would get excited telling me all the things she had bought Milly, whether it was clothes, toys or something simple like Thomas the Tank engine spaghetti for her to have for tea!! She unfortunatly only got to see my second daughter a handful of times but i could see she was going to be the same with her.

Since her passing i have thought lots about my childhood, about the holidays to the seaside, about her walking us to school, making our tea, washing my school uniform. Remembering her telling us off for leaving the backboor open in the winter when it was cold outside and we were playing outside in the snow. 'You're either staying in or going out' she would say shutting the door behind us. There were four us of at home as children, what a hard job that must have been, looking after four children. I have two, that's hard enough! I hope i am nearly half as good at it as she was!

In a few weeks time i am due to get married and i am very sad that she wont be with us. I can't decide if it will be a hard day or not for me. I am looking forward to the wedding but i am gutted mum wont be there. But i know exactly what she would be saying if she was there. I can see her now looking at Tony's face, laughing and saying 'oh my god Sarah, he has had a shave!'

Hannah

2008-03-06T06:41:00.001-08:00

Hannah
Originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly

Lots of things have happened since the last post, Dirty Dancing, February 2007 but i havent been able to get to post them so this is my story of last year summed up in one picture.
When your pregnant, although you believe pregnancy to be nine months sometimes its nearly ten and most often than not it feels to have taken up the whole year and you forget what you did pre pregnancy in that year! The pregnancy went fine, wish i could say as much for the birth but here she is Hannah born 19th January 2008 weighing 9 pounds 10 ounces. At the time of writing this she is a little over six weeks old. Can be unsettled in comparison to how Amelia was at this age but i couldnt have really expected two good babies could I? She is a blessing though whatever and she is so much like her dad, maybe thats why she can be a misery!

"Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner!"

2007-02-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

Dirty Dancing the musical Aldwych Theatre London, originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly.

With those famous words uttered by the actor playing the lead role "Johnny Castle" he subsequently pulled "baby" from her chair for the last dance which made the whole theatre erupt into a loud cheer. Or at least the female members of the audience. The male members just looked around wondering the significance of the line or who indeed "Johnny Castle" was.

That was February 5th 2007, my 31st birthday, spent that evening watching a theatre version of a film which when it first came out i was too young to see at the pictures, the film was rated 15 and i was only 11.

Its every 30 somethings favorite film from when she was younger. It was a film about disappointment and determination, about learning and about love. The fact that it also starred a very perfect looking Swayze had nothing to do with its popularity of course!

The way the film was portrayed or adapted for stage was amazing. The props and sets were imaginative, almost ingenious. I sat and wondered for weeks and even had the discussions as to how were they going to do that scene over the water on that log?! But they did it! If you want to know how you will have to see it for yourself. The scripting was almost word for word (yes i know the film word for word!) and they sung most of the soundtrack live, with fantastic reditions of "de toro un poco" and "in the still of the night".

I would recommend the show to any female out there who loves the film or indeed any males who do too, because i had the "the time of my life" that night. Just also to mention if you do indeed decide to go and take your partner and he hasn't seen the film, remember to mention that "Johnny Castle" is the leading male role BEFORE you get into the theatre and not whilst in there or it could get rather embarrassing.

Christmas Time

2006-12-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas Time, originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly.

Captured here is Milly opening one of her many presents she got this Christmas. It was amazing the amount of presents she recieved, but even more amazing was watching her opening them. She was so overwhelmed she was in tears, she didnt know which to open first! This time last year I felt quite sad about Christmas really. It was her first and just like her birthday her biological dad didnt bother to send so much as a card. That really got to me back then. But this year I could see for the first time how he is the one missing out, not her. She has so many people round her that love her and want to be in her life and is always such a happy little girl because of it. She is a lucky little girl and we are lucky to have her. I just dread the day when she starts wanting really expensive Christmas presents am sure there will be a new type of playstation when she is ten, that costs hundreds of pounds she will be after!

My Collection of Memories

2006-12-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

My Collection of Memories, originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly.

I was looking through my pictures tonight and wanted to put together a selection of my photos that can make me stop, remember and smile. To anyone else alot of these can look random but to me they can make me remember certain events or times and make me remember what I liked about them.

The first photo was my first trip to ewood park. It was the first time i had watched my team against a premiership side, the first time i had ever been to ewood park or the first time i had been to blackburn for that matter. It was a cracking match, i was about eight months pregnant at the time and little did i realise that i would be watching Rovers a few more times a few months later sat in the home side.

The top middle picture I was twenty weeks pregnant and I took it after I had left my job in Leeds. I wanted to remember the relief I felt after leaving there. I grew to hate going to work. Millys dad worked there and behaved like a complete a*rsehole towards me as he wasnt happy about the pregnancy and the management didnt seem to want or know how to manage the situation! So after my last shift or thereabouts I got home went in the shower, smiled and took the picture! For the first time in months I felt happy and was coming round to my situation and felt excited about having a baby in my life.

In the other corner is one of the other trips to Ewood Park, the Liverpool game last season possibly. I was in their "blues bar" feeling very proud as three of their players signed my shirt. Silly I know but i was completely star struck! Saying that I had been tucking into a jug of beer and may have been a little worse for wear!

Going onto the next row the lad in the grey jacket is one of their players Gamst ,who signed my shirt, he was my favorite!!

In the middle of that row is the ducklings of wetwang. I really enjoyed that day. Me and Tony took a small baby Milly to Brid and called here for the best fish and chips I had ever had I think and as we were sat eating on the bench along toddled a duck followed by her ducklings. It was red hot that day too.

At the side of that picture is a picture of Ramsden Res, or should I say a father and daughter fishing there. It was a red hot Saturday afternoon and it was 1:30pm. I remember this because i spent half an hour on the phone to Tony (he was on his lunch at work) discussing where we were taking our relationship next. I was watching them fishing while I was talking to him.

The next row down the first picture is the first one Tony ever took of me and Milly. She was only a couple of weeks old and I felt ill but i got on that motorway to see Tony, he had spent so much time with me when i was pregnant and been so good listening to me moaning that I had to show him the finished product! This picture always reminds me of just how supportive and how good a listener he is and how he always has the right answers!

The photo in the middle is the first one we had taken togther at his mums when we were hiding that we were an item from his family!! That was fun as they had their suspictions anyway. Well you would, wouldnt you?

Jon Bon Jovi is next, I went to his concert this year in Milton Keynes. That was the first outdoor rock concert I had ever been to. It was fantastic. The next day was spent in London and I went on the London eye, which was something i had wanted to do for years. I remember being in the hotel the morning we went on the London eye having breakfast with Tony thinking how scared i was feeling because I knew just how close i was feeling to him after being with him all weekend.

On the bottom row is me with a silly sticker across my chest. That was one of the first nights out me and Tony had in Leeds as a couple. It was nice and he really looked after me. Which brings me to the middle picture where i dressed up as a goth for a night out in wendyhouse in Leeds where he likes. He took me thinking I would hate it, but just because I dont like the music they play in a particular club or dont normally dress how they do, doesnt mean that I cant enjoy it.

And finally is a picture of a great little girl on a fantastic day. Looking at how happy she is reminds me of what a great day we had on her birthday, how special this time in her life is and how lucky we are to have her.

911

2006-12-13T03:57:00.000-08:00

lee + sarah, originally uploaded by gail182.

9th December 2006
Pictured here is Lee from the group formally known as 911. Me and Tonys sister went down Halifax to Jumping Jacks where they were playing on stage. Gail is a big 911 fan (not sure why) but i went with her and waited behind a barrier to meet the group after they performed.
On getting through the barrier we got to speak to Lee, Jimmy and Spike who also signed the shoulders of Gail. Promptly the next day she had the autographs tattooed in Huddersfield, mad girl!!

Tony

2006-12-12T04:38:00.000-08:00

My creation, originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly.

After putting together a collection of pictures of Milly's first year which you can see on my flickr link I decided to put together a couple of pictures of Tony that I like the most.

The one where he is small I find very cute. It also reminds me a little of when I was young particually as I have three brothers who mostly had haircuts simlilar to his at some time or other. The clothes he has are similar to what we wore, but saying that he grew up at the same time as I did obviously even if it was in a foreign land call lanc.

The one in the park is great. Thats more or less how i remember him from the first time I met him at First Direct, probably even wearing that shirt along with of course his leather jacket!

The braids picture has always been my favorite, it shows his braids off which look very nice and the reflection has a very serious expression (he is nearly always very serious!) which i like.

And the last picture, I took in Leeds just after he had left Saks! I love his hair short and although he will never admit it I kind of think that he cut his hair because i asked (nagged!) him to which i think is nice, as he really loved hair!!

Anyway if nothing else its a collection of pictures which mark how he has changed over the years!

The Frown

2006-11-07T15:11:00.000-08:00

The Frown, originally uploaded by Sarah&Milly.

For some reason milly has developed the art of frowing and she frowns all the time now, its really funny and very cute. So here it is in action lol!